Hilarity on the scene, a depraved insight into gig promotion

"They'll recognize just what I stand for
and what I just can't stand"
-Louden Wainwright III

Here's the latter.

On occasion, you see some pretty audacious pieces of work sent out by 'promoters' in London. This is the best one I have ever seen. This was sent to us for a gig in a London Venue I'd never heard of, on a Sunday night no less. Read on people, lols aplenty.


Dear Liam,

Details

After 20 people coming to see your act £20 goes to you & then £1.50 for every person coming to see you. After 40 people £65 then £2 for every person coming to see you

Admission is £5 with or without a flyer, you can download a flyer from my web site or design your own.

A minimum of 25 people is required for a rebooking

Please Note Everyone must be over 18

Your set will last for 30 minutes. Please ensure you keep to this length, these venues will attract your fans only.

The (NAME WITHELD) has a kit you can hire for £5 you just need to bring cymbals, cymbal stands and snare. You do not have to hire the kit

It is understood & agreed that a minimum number of paying customers must attend the above dated show. If on the night the paying customers fall below the set minimum any future dates will be jeopardised. It is very important that your act does not play another London show Two weeks (14 days) either side of your gig as this will obviously diminish your audience.

(NAME WITHELD) hires the venue, the PA, the soundperson and the doorperson.

If you appear to have made no effort to promote your gig we reserve the right to shorten your set or cancel it.

** If you or your band has a web site you can add a link by going to my web site **

Also if you have a logo, photos or a video please forward them to go on the site

Any loss or damage to equipment caused by any band member on the premise at any of the venue’s will be charged directly to you. This liability you accept by your appearance at the booking on the date shown.

please email or send this confirmation portion back for the atten of

(NAME WITHELD)

Signed by

For and on behalf of

(Artist / Band)

Happy Birthday (to us)

people on keyboards,

It was our first birthday yesterday, we are 1 year old. This means we don't say much and still aren't toilet trained, but girls still think we're cute and we get pushed around in buggies.

Like most 1st birthday parties, we celebrated by going to see Wolves in the Throne Room, who kicked our asses like real hard.

Looking forward to the Bardens show on the 15th, new tunes to play...

Back for 2009 and with added social networking

Hi internet,

Oroku Saki are back in action after a 2 month hiatus. Liam went to sit on the beach in Australia for 2 months, while David stayed unemployed, grew a beard then shaved the beard.

Succumbing to enormous societal pressure, last night we started a myspace page, amongst claims of 'what the fuck is this shit?' and 'it's raping my eyes'. But here we are now, entertain us: http://www.myspace.com/therealorokusaki . That's right WE ARE THE REAL OROKU SAKI and the other 250 kabillion bands with the same name are merely pretenders. We know because we asked their girlfriends and they only go to their boyfriends' shows to support them, they really don't like the music but they offer constuctive criticisim (probably stuff like: "have you thought about adding drums?") and deep down the guys don't even care because what kind of girl is going to like a band called Oroku Saki anyway? I mean, they're happy enough that they even have a girlfriend because it's really hard to meet people. But anyway, WE'RE not like that because we are THE REAL Oroku Saki.

We're looking for gigs, hit us up.

Yours,

The Real Oroku Saki.

You got it... Oroku Saki @ Silver Rocket

friends of html,

We'll be heading to the Buffalo Bar to play the Silver Rocket Club next Friday September 19. This is awsome for the following reasons:

1) It's near our house (cheap taxi)
2) Silver Rocket is awesome
3) We have a new track to play

If you haven't been to the buffalo bar before it's right outside Highbury and Islington tube station, on the right before you even hit the street.

Were playing with St. Deluxe (from Glasgow), Blacklawa, and Real Feal (again! awesome!).

Also, come with us the next night to see dead meadow!

Drone on, brothers and sisters.

Pics from weekend tour of London

Hi internet pals,

Well we've recovered from our last round of shows. 2 gigs in 2 consecutive nights in London, and tres fun was had by all. Clerkhuddersfax were sublime, go see them whenever you can.

Uber thanks to Andrew at the lab, the indie omnipresent Rachel and Andy from Silver Rocket, Phil for the disposable camera sweetness, and Raul and Bryn for the mammoth jam at the Cross Kings.

Our new band with Raul and Bryn, "The Entire Asian Population" (Raul's in there somewhere, cloked in darkness):

There's a rumour of us playing the Buffalo Bar in September, watch this space (someone! please! watch this space!)

Studio Pics

Heya internet, here's some snaps from Dropout Studios in Camberwell...

experimenting at the lab

hi again internet, hope all's well.

the line up for the lab at catch on august 22 has been finalised, and is looking to be a cracker, with possible elevation to humdinger status as the evening is sure to progress, as time often does.

we're going to open procedings so come along early... the other bands are:

real feal - these guys sound pretty frantic, they should be kickass live.

cleckhuddersfax - we saw these guys at the haggerston once before it got a proper licence. We later heard that this night did not help the haggerston get a proper licence. they ruled that night with synths and wore funny clothes (but then action beat pwned them, as they do everyone in the entire world).

(caveat emptor those links take you to myspace)

oroku saki have not, as yet, been asked to dj this night.

we're recording this weekend ... with the working title of "this morning when i woke up i felt as if i was waking up every day for the rest of my life"... but we haven't discussed this for quite some time.